Healing the Wounds of Mean Mothering

Part 4: A Path to Healing the Mean Mother Woundedness

The journey of re-mothering our abandoned, neglected, wounded and shamed inner little ones can begin with us carving out some small regular bits of time (as little as five minutes twice a week can be a good start) and some safe, private space for inviting them to come and share their feelings with us. It can be helpful, in whatever way appeals to us, to make that space feel sacred, special for just these meetings.

It may take a while to hear from the little ones, they need to know they can trust we really mean to be there for them if/when they show up. A good way to start each time is by apologizing to our little one(s) for having ignored them and their feelings for so long. Reassuring them that, even though we are feeling quite awkward and uneasy with all this, we are committed to developing a caring connection with them and hearing both how they feel and what they need from us. It can also be helpful to ask them to let us know what they need from us in order to feel safe enough to come out to visit and talk with us.

Sometimes, once they trust we really mean to hear them, they will simply speak in our hearts. Still, having fat colored pens and a blank drawing pad or journal available in which to write or draw using our non-dominant hand can provide a tangible way for the little ones to communicate with us using written words or images.

We may simply use journaling to dialog with these cut-off parts of our selves. We practice speaking to and treating our neglected inner selves with the loving they’ve never received. In this practice, we are developing a loving-inner-mommy/caregiver voice. Often, this loving voice is the one with which we speak to anyone we love and care about when they’re suffering or upset. We already have the voice. What we need now is to find/give our selves the permission to use it with our very own selves.

We need to remember to remind our selves to be patient – it can be very slow going. And, we need to remember to remind our selves to applaud every baby step along the way of our developing relationship with these little inner selves.